She is amazing! How many people do you know can allow themselves to be this vulnerable, this soon after such peace draining events? With her never-ending list of things to do, she continues to strengthen her heart, mind, and soul all at once. In her times of struggle, she is not lost in her emotions, letting them take over her life. No, she literally pushes against her wall of resentment and distrust. And this is only one of our DSA teachers, imagine all the other adult figures we have and respect.

I know and understand that the DSA is known for its outstanding projects that challenge us in ways we thought wasn’t possible-at this age, at least-and the career exploration packets that we’ve been getting through are exceptionally useful in our quest to personal and academic success. Across the nation, we are recognized for our attributes, the amount of technologic knowledge we get from this academy is astonishing. But the teachers, the brains who not only discover and create the projects, but allow us to work, pushing us, letting us get angry and frustrated, watching us suppress things, they see it all. And they talk us through what we feel is the end of our academic success. They talk us through parental misunderstandings. They talk us through perseverance and what we could-not what we must-do to find strength within ourselves.

God’s blessings are everlasting

In facing all of the deadlines and constant negativity I let reign in my mind, our DSA teachers found it to be the prime time in pushing us even harder. To keep constant pressure on our time and grades. I wouldn’t bring myself to build resentment toward them for it, and now it’s a blessing from God that they did so.

I found selfishness in my heart at first, in trying so hard to meet my own deadlines. But by the end of the project, I found a love and an understanding that could only be felt. In trying to simply love and let the rest go,  I found a deeper inner peace that I did not know would come so soon.

The DSA teachers have created a project that has redefined my perspective on life, love and happiness. I highly doubt this year will be forgotten, thanks to the feelings that most of the junior class fell into head first, we’ve found our identity.

My photo essay was the most challenging part. I am my worst critic, yes cliche and yes true. No matter what is said to me, I keep certain things in my mind and suck all the negativity I can from it. And I believe. Or at least, that’s how it used to be. This project allowed me to trust myself and believe that my work is worth something special. And that what I do “wrong” is what makes me Leylani.
[http://www.box.net/shared/jafvk6zh73]

Our host, Teresa LoBue was very energetic and welcoming. Her personality was one that is now an example for me, especially in the workplace. In her openness I learned that no matter how hectic and overwhelming your life can be, if it helps you get to where you want to be, then it can be made beautiful not after the overwhelming part of your life is over, but during.

One of the free lance editors at Bars and Tone, Gina(I apologize for forgetting your last name) brought the just do it philosophy as well. In her passion I found a woman who simply did what she loved to do. As simple as it sounds, I’m sure quite a few people can back me up when I say it is far from simple. She didn’t try to sugar coat the fact that free lance editing isn’t much of a rich man’s job but her explanation that was drenched in passion and zeal showed me just how beautiful and fulfilling life can be when making your passion your profession.

Bars & Tone’s founder, Stefan Welter pinpointed the one of the main issues that takes up my emotional energy with one question. “What’s your passion?” Or was it, “What do you love to do?”. Either one, I’m sure you get the point. I love to know what I’m striving for & why I’m striving for it. Recently-with the help of Randy-I’ve realized that what I’ve been striving for has been the  pinnacle of my stress. He told me to just go for one idea, try it out, and if it doesn’t work just move on to the next idea. As simple as that sounds, I never even thought of that solution. Thanks Stefan.

Another of the 3 owners of Bars & Tone is Eric Steckel was just another example of the saying “you never know what life may bring”. I asked him something along the lines of “What was the most unexpected experience in your career at Bars & Tone”. He replied with a story of a mic being dropped in sewage water during the filming in sewage pipes. I am still in shock, sewage pipes? Talk about the “just do it” philosophy.

The last of the 3 owners of Bars & Tone is Brian T. Nowac .He was hilarious and reminded me a lot of.. myself! He seemed loud & easy going & just fun! He let our group really take the initiative & only answered the questions that we asked, which was nice because it kind of let us take the interview in our own hands. He was very easy to talk to and quick to laugh at my not-so-funny jokes which was also very nice of him.

All in all the trip was amazing. I wasn’t expecting too much only because I wasn’t sure what to expect. Other than a company, filled with busy workers who had schedules & deadlines to meet. However, if asked to come back I would be very ready to have a day with them again! Not only was the trip fulfilling academically but as an individual who is simply growing into a young adult, it was quite rewarding. (THANK YOU DSA)

Discipline. What aspects of my life are disciplined? My faith, my focus, my love for others, my willingness to do what is right, my integrity, my morals, my determination, me. All of me. I am constantly at war with Satan to do what is right by God. Discipline is beautiful, it shapes me into a better young lady with each and every hardship. Let’s get specific, starting with sleep.

Sleep is a beautiful thing. I love to sleep. When I was younger, I’d knock out so fast there’d be no point in trying to say anything to me the moment I close my eyes. & now, 16 years young, sleep has gotten lower and lower on the priority list. I’m learning-the hard way-how necessary sleep is. Just how much the average teen needs it, you may wonder. Well I have no idea, but I understand why people always bring up the 7-8 hour recommendation. So it’s my jr year, I am sleepy. Really sleepy. For the first few weeks I was getting by with about 6 hours of sleep. I thought that was ok, I kept thinking, “It’s better than nothing! The point is, I’m getting my work done & I’m getting some kind of sleep.” Yeah, bad move. Those first few weeks were just the beginning. Eventually I went down to 5 hours then 4 hours, loving the weekends I didn’t stop to realize that even the weekends I don’t take the time to catch up on sleep. This one measly little detail sent me on a road to self destruction. My work that I was rushing to do was crap, the lectures went in through one ear & out the other, my test scores were still hideous, my attendance started to slip with my annoying tardies to zero period, I was frantic all the time, I was rush rush rushing every second of my day-even when it took too long for me to go to sleep(yea, that didn’t help)-,& worst of all, I started leaving my devos(devotionals-meditation on the Bible) for later in the day. Sometimes even not doing them. All from my letting sleep fall lower & lower down my priority list. Upside..

I tried what Randy said to do-totally works-& I found myself sleeping.. more! Amen. I thank God for SLEEP. & I thank God for Randy’s keen awareness. As far as I knew, I was putting up a good front. But nooooo, dear old Randy sees everything;)

But what else am I thankful for? DISCIPLINE. I thank God for leaving me the option to sleep or do homework, for letting me screw that decision up so that I could learn learn learn. I thank God for using people to get through to me.

Thanks Thadon, for waking me up, calling me nonstop just to annoy me enough to get outta bed and do my homework, for staying up with me til i finish my homework so that  I wouldn’t go to sleep with it half done, and for just bein’ you.

Thanks Mrs. Paul for this assignment, because I would love getting a big fat A this quarter & extra credit is pretty cool;)

I just spent a whole hour trying to look for the enormous-for a domestic, American spider, size is not exaggerated- spider. At first I didn’t think too much about killing it, until I thought about it biting me-thanks Thadon. (LOL) I actually came close to killing it, but didn’t succeed. So there it is, I’m assuming somewhere under my bed. Could be waiting for me to go to sleep so it can have it’s revenge on my Raid-crazy-kill-the-spider-trip. Or it could be waiting for me to stop moving around so much so it can find a way to get outta there since I’m not a very welcoming human to ginormous domesticated American spiders. But who knows. Well, thank you spider for making me look at how I treat insects in my room. Thank you for making me realize that when I see bugs in my room the first things I think of are the downside of bugs.

Today a few church members and I ran through the skit we’re going to be performing for our Christmas celebration. Fun, interesting. Was the first youth there, Manong Soy-church pianist-was there already having his fun on the piano. I had one of my favorite hymns stuck in my head “When We All Get to Heaven” from the movie we watched in US History (Mississippi Burning). I cried when I watched that scene. I wasn’t bawling, but the tears came. Interesting, that movie is. Thank you Mrs. Fontanilla for leaving your job as a lawyer to come teach high schoolers about US History, Gov’t, Econ & all the other things you teach us. I feel that your history as a lawyer helped you help us to think, deeper, in a less emotional & more logical way.

Thanks cast and crew of Mississippi Burning, great acting skills, great roles, great plot, great movie. Haven’t even seen the whole thing but I’m ready to netflix it & watch it again. Same with the Great Debators & even that documentary that Mrs. Fontanilla showed about Civil Rights.

Thank you God, for keeping everyone safe during the lock down. Some of us were outside when the announcement for the initiation of the lock down first came on. Praise God, it wasn’t our time to die.

Off all the times to give thanks wholeheartedly, why not around Thanksgiving?! What a blessing is Mrs. Paul. -NO KISSING UP, HONEST TRUTH- In my hectic chaotic mind, I started out this year with a drive to do whatever I have to, to keep my priorities in line. Great goal right? But it doesn’t end there, my execution wasn’t too great. This drive, was to keep God first, to keep mama & papa happy, to keep Skittle ( my sister) proud of me, to keep this to keep that. In my attempts to do the impossible, I let one of the most critical contributing factors fall away from my priorities. me. Little did I know, the imminent self destruction that was awaiting my utter breakdown would come very soon. Thanks Randy, for showing me just how important I am in my life. Thanks Mrs. Paul. For reminding me (AGAIN!) how important it is to cry, how important it is to be honest with myself, how important it is to relax, and breath. Thanks Ms. Pratt, for reminding me (AGAIN) that regardless of what gets throw at you, when you’re in the fast lane, you can always find time to just smile;) MR. SMITH! Homegirl, you’re a guy version of me when I get a full 8 hours of sleep! You’re crazy energetic.Thanks Mrs. Fontanilla, for not letting up on me, for remaining stern. For reminding me, that even in my chaos, there is some kind of peace if I’m willing to see it.  Thank you Mrs. Leonard. For always bein’ there to get me movin’, for taking whatever was thrown at you. Thank you Mrs. Stirton for always meeting my animation with a smile and a sincere “How are you?” Thanks you Mr. McCollum. For believing in me, even though  I didn’t. I honestly love you guys. & I would totally still love you guys if you weren’t my teachers. Cz it’s your hearts that I love, not your jobs. You are all in my prayers.

Man, I struggled with this music. I didn’t know where to start! I would think about all the different directions I could go in & didn’t know which would be more.. ME. Finally I came up with what Randy calls elevator music(LOL!) & called it a day.

How can I show you ME through a memoir.. Starting with this.

What I do, is for Christ. Why I live, is for Christ, Why I love you, is for Christ.

I am a confusing girl, who is simple yet so complex. Being told that I think beyond my years, I only hear them telling me so. My feelings & emotions toward myself are probably the opposite from how someone like Randy sees me. Randy, the guy I’ve known of for 7 years now, but I’ve known his heart for 2. The heart that is pure & truly loving to an extent I had no idea was capable for any human.

I am a Christian, one who struggles with finding her indentity. Absorbed in internal conflicts I try to best to keep others happy. Setting myself aside, I strive to please YOU. Yes you, no matter who you are reading this, I strive to show the love I have for you.

I am a teenager, built with raging hormones, confusing over-analytical thoughts, and the determination to be a strong young woman.

I am a student at Mount Diablo, yes Mount Diablo. Aware of the reputation we have as students, as athletes, as people.

I am Leylani. Indecisive, emotional, teenager.

I am Leylani. Different, not like you’ve ever seen before.

I am human. A screw up, drowned in imperfection

& I am a survivor. A realist, a lover.

OK, I know Randy. Not in song format.. Not sure exactly what my focus is. Should be more easier to understand for others once I figure out exactly what I want to tell the audience.